i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he just fucked me for my cheese.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
