Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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