dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
