My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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