Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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