So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
