Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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