MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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