yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
