We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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