How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
