break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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