You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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