she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
