Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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