the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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