i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
