The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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