I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
