His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
