Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
