Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
