Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
