i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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