if only i could text you this smell
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
not ubering you a puppy
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
