When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
