This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
