i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
