If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
