I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
