Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
its liver damage thursday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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