and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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