My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
