I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
