remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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