yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
