I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
