Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
