why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
