i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
