my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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