Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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