The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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