Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
