Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
