I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
