oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
