Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude. I can hear the air.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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