they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
