he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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