Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
