first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
