I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
