I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
