Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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