My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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