I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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